just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
