He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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