I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
