im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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