You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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