i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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