It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
