she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wish i was in the wii world.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
