I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
