Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
