And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my shit smells like andre
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Floor bacon is actually really good
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize