High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
