Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
