Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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