literally had 100 drinks last night.
My hand turned me down
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
