ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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