Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
