I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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