Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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