onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
