these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
how drunk are you?
Several
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
