Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
