I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Your cock deserves a montage
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
