True but thats because hes a fetus.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
