Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I am spending my child support on dildos
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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