We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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