I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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