She said her name was "party"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
