farters have to be the big spoon...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
