i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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