god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
