i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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