this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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