Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
