I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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