I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize