just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
