Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
