I need help removing her.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
