she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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