life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
