he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
they're like a gay fantastic four
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
