Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
