Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
