Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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