I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
