sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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