Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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