Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
