well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
