Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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