so that wasnt chicken after all
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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