Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
