just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize