I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
