I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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