There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Randomize
