He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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