Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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