I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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