i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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