I think im going to throw up on grandma
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Michael Bay diarrhea
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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