Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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