im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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