Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
