shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
