i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We are two peas in an std pod
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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